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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25724575">be somebody to someone (someone to you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandsnuds/pseuds/mandsnuds'>mandsnuds</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>yaku brain go brrr [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Constipation, Emotional Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Leaving Home, M/M, Post-Time Skip, actually it's a few years after the third years' graduation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:28:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,501</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25724575</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandsnuds/pseuds/mandsnuds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I thought you liked me better when I didn’t talk too much”, Lev mused.</p><p>“Yeah? Well, I like you better when you’re being yourself.”, Yaku stood up, cocking his hip to the side, now in front of the other man. His cheeks flushed pink at the realization of what he had just said, but still Yaku managed to mantain his posture. “Don’t change the subject.”</p><p>Lev towered easily over him and yet he seemed cornered. No explanations left his mouth and he looked lost. Yaku hated that look on his face, he decided then. He wanted to make it go away, right there. He wanted back bubbly, over-friendly Lev with his oversized hugs and glowing eyes.</p><p>“I don’t like it.”, Yaku admitted, pouting for a second.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>yaku brain go brrr [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>189</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>be somebody to someone (someone to you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutuplizzie/gifts">shutuplizzie</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinypersephone/gifts">tinypersephone</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/soobxgo/gifts">soobxgo</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/alatusss/gifts">alatusss</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! So this has been sitting on my brain since 402 got out. I kept wondering why no one was talking about Yaku leaving for Russia besides the awesome fancams and timeskip fanarts. So I had to do something before my brainworms ate me.</p><p>I'd like to thank my friend Ana, who came up with the idea at 3AM and made me sob like a baby. Also to my friend Lizzie, who made Kenma even more of a mastermind in this fic. Last but not least, to Lari and Juli who supported me to no end even as I whined about not knowing how to write smut. </p><p>One more thing! This is the <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0w8QwW90VbrsqH0fxzXu21?si=Td_bs2K3SPm3-W1DE_HxEw">playlist</a> i put on while writing. Hope you guys can enjoy it as much as I do!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn’t supposed to be like that.</p><p>No goodbyes, no room left for anyone to be sad. He’d be gone and once he was settled in his new home, a message would be sent to the groupchat and that should be it. They would moan and complain but no harm could be done when you’re a nine hour flight apart. It should have been easier.</p><p>Of course it wasn’t.</p><p>He could blame Kuroo for that. Actually he could blame Kuroo for a lot of things, some of them bad, some of them good. Most of them annoying. Damn that boy and his job. Damn him and his need to pry into other people’s business.</p><p>It began with a harmless text.</p><p>[Kuroo]: so you leaving</p><p>[Yaku]: yeah i should be home in half an hour, wdym</p><p>[Kuroo]: nonono</p><p>[Kuroo]: i mean leaving japan you sneaky bitch</p><p>He rubbed his temples on the Uber home. A headache should be coming soon.</p><p>[Kuroo]: your lack of response is telling me all i need to know tbh</p><p>[Yaku]: so what if i am</p><p>[Kuroo]: it’ll be good for you man i’m just mad you didn’t bother telling anyone</p><p>Of course Kuroo was mad. Anyone in their right mind would be. Still Yaku thought it was the right thing to do.</p><p>[Yaku]: don’t make it into a bigger deal than it is</p><p>[Kuroo]: you’re very wrong if you think you’re leaving this country without seeing my beautiful face</p><p>[Kuroo]: kenma’s place, 8pm on Friday</p><p>[Kuroo]: i know you’re leaving on Sunday so don’t even think of coming up with an excuse</p><p>[Yaku]: how tf do you know all that</p><p>[Kuroo]: i have my ways</p><p>[Yaku]: stop using them on me</p><p>[Kuroo]: i will if you come on Friday</p><p>[Yaku]: FINE i’ll be there</p><p>It all went downhill after that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kenma’s house still surprised him even after years. No one that young should have this much money and yet. Yaku stood in the porch after ringing the bell, contemplating his life choices that led him to that exact moment.</p><p>“You came”, Kuroo said and Yaku wanted to punch the sly grin off his face.</p><p>“Of course I did.”, he huffed. “I said I would, didn’t I?”</p><p>“Yes yes, you did.”, Kuroo hushed him inside.</p><p>Honestly? Fuck that cat. Yaku was hoping it would be a quiet get together, just them and Kenma chilling for a bit before Yaku declared he had to pack his stuff and Kuroo would call him out on his bullshit but would let him go still.</p><p>Instead all of 2012’s Nekoma High Volleybal Club was there. And also balloons. Fucking balloons. Yaku hoped his expression didn’t come out as too harsh. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his friends or hated hanging out. Nothing like that. He just thought it would be so much easier without properly saying goodbye.</p><p>“Yaku-san!”, Tora patted his back (and perhaps left a hand-shaped bruise on it), “I’m so glad you came!”</p><p>“What’s it with you people assuming I wouldn’t come.”, Yaku complained while properly entering the room.</p><p>“Kuro said you weren't too keen on coming”, Kenma shrugged.</p><p>“Sounds like Kuroo really enjoys gossping about me”, Yaku gave his former capitain a nasty glare, which was answered with a shrug.</p><p>Finally Yaku had time to properly assess the room and the people in it. They seemed excited to see him and it made a smile creep into his lips. It was amazing how much each of them had grown, quite literally and in general. Even the kouhais he once saw as frail kittens were now grown up, and yet they didn’t seem to lose that innocent sparkle on their eyes.</p><p>Except one. As Yaku laid his eyes on Lev he <em>knew</em> something was wrong. First of all, the russian boy wasn’t even looking at his direction, which was completely out of character considering Lev would never miss a chance to get Yaku’s attention. Secondly, there wasn’t a trace of a smile on his lips, just a spaced out feeling. It probably looked pretty normal to anyone that didn’t know the boy like he did (or did he? Honestly how much could a person change in three years?).</p><p>Yaku’s last year in Nekoma was memorable. Not only because he had to work his ass off every single day with exams and games coming. They went to Nationals that year, even though they lost to Karasuno (he briefly wondered what was Yuu up to lately. He hadn’t seen that boy in forever). The biggest reason 2012 left a big impression on Yaku had nothing to do with that though.</p><p>He wasn’t good with people. Most of them thought he came out as too harsh or too blunt, not afraid to speak his mind. It was considered annoying. Not that Yaku cared. He had volleyball, something he was good at and proud of and that alone should be enough as he reached high school. It wasn’t.</p><p>Kuroo and Kai were probably his first close friends in a while, even though him and Kuroo spent most of the time bickering. They had formed a bond and nothing else mattered. The rest of the team was okay those first two years. Kenma was a smooth addition to their group, followed by a loud Tora.</p><p>Yet it was only on his third year he could finally say he had a team filled with people he liked. Friends, some closer than others, but still <em>friends</em>. It felt comfortable and that feeling was priceless. Yes, he was still harsh and too blunt but the others didn’t seem to mind that much. Even the first years, with who he was even stricter, didn’t seem to mind very much.</p><p><em>Fine</em>, there was only one person with whom he was harsher than ever. Staying after practice, infinite receive drills and spiking practice. It was exhausting and Yaku knew it. Had it been himself, he would probably curse whoever made it so damn tiring (even if it was practice and there wasn’t enough practice ever). And yet, Lev never gave up. Yes, he whined and moaned all the time, eager to receive even the smallest compliments. Still he hung around Yaku like the moon orbited the Earth. Kuroo praised him sometimes, specially when he achieved a tough block (even if it shouldn’t be that difficult with that gigantic height). Lev smiled, thrusting his fist into the air as if they had just won a big game.</p><p>Still there was nothing quite like when Yaku complimented him. You see, the praise wasn’t unusual or abnormally kind. Sometimes a simple “good work today, Lev” or “nice receive” would do. Lev would stop, his green eyes literally glowing as he smiled so pretty sometimes Yaku thought it wasn’t fair. The compliments became more frequent as the year progressed and Lev got better (and maybe Yaku found himself craving for that glowing smile). At the end of the year they looked forward to those fleeting moments.</p><p>Perhaps it was the memory of that fond smile that made a spaced out Lev seem so wrong. Yaku furrowed his brow, uneasy.</p><p>“Hey, Lev”, he called.</p><p>Lev blinked twice, as if brought back from his thoughts. “Yaku-san, it’s nice to see you”, he smiled softly.</p><p>The damage was done. Something was wrong and his gut twisted with unease. Yet keeping quiet was the best option he could muster at the moment.</p><p>The chat went on. It had been sometime since they got together like this, all of them in one room. Conversation flowed easily, specially after Tora came back with beer. Yaku wasn’t a big fan if he was being honest, but it seemed like he shouldn’t waste the opportunity.</p><p>Tora himself was a light-weight, which sounded as funny as it looked when the boy collapsed on Kenma’s floor with the excuse of just “taking a nap”. Kenma poked him with his toe and when no response came, they deemed him dead for the rest of the night.</p><p>At some point their group started to disperse. Shibayama got sleepy and Kai took it upon himself to get him (and Inuoka and Teshiro) home since he hadn’t drink. Kai was probably the only person there Yaku fully trusted to get the others safely home. It was almost 3AM and Yaku himself was a bit tipsy. Before he wondered how he would get home, Kenma intervened, claiming it was late and his house had plenty rooms for everyone (that damn rich kid), so they could settle in. It would indeed be unpleasant to find a ride home at that hour and Yaku could always leave before everyone else (no goodbyes, no problem).</p><p>“Well goodnight then”, Kuroo theatrically yawned. “We’ll be off.”, he grabbed Kenma by the hand. The smaller boy looked like all nighters weren’t a big deal to him.</p><p>“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!”, Kuroo sing-songed on the way out. Yaku promptly flipped him off.</p><p>There were two people left in the room then. Well, three if you counted Tora slumbering on the floor. Yaku took a final sip of his beer and glanced at Lev. Green eyes were watching his every move, even if his mind seemed miles away. Their eyes met for an instant and something tingled inside him (probably nostalgia, who knew).</p><p>Yaku cleared his throat, averting his gaze and getting up. He looked awkward standing in the living room like that. “I’m gonna.. find myself a room”, he vaguely gestured at the hallway Kuroo and Kenma had disappeared into a few moments ago.</p><p>“I’ll go with you”, Lev prompted, leaving his beer by the table. Yaku still felt uneasy under that heavy gaze, not knowing exactly how to deal with silent Lev.</p><p>He led the way, thanking Kenma silently for leaving one door open so that they wouldn’t have to try to open the others and be met with God knows what Kenma and Kuroo were doing. That thought alone was traumatising enough.</p><p>Yaku stopped by the room with a double bed that seemed cozy enough for him to sleep completely spread out. He entered the bedroom and Lev quietly followed. Yaku sat on the bed, satisfied that it was as comfortable as it looked like. His gaze drifted to the other man in the room, who stood still, fidgeting hands and downcast eyes.</p><p>“You’re being weird”, Yaku suddenly spoke, snapping Lev out of his haze.</p><p>“Huh?”, the russian looked genuinely confused.</p><p>“I said you’re being weird.”, Yaku repeated himself. “I’ve known you for years, Lev. I have never seen you stay put or be quiet this whole time.”</p><p>“I’m... sorry?”, Lev tried to back out of the situation.</p><p>“You don’t need to be sorry, dumbass. I wanna know why you’re quiet today.”, he rolled his eyes.</p><p>“I thought you liked me better when I didn’t talk too much”, Lev mused.</p><p>“Yeah? Well, I like you better when you’re being yourself.”, Yaku stood up, cocking his hip to the side, now in front of the other man. His cheeks flushed pink at the realization of what he had just said, but still Yaku managed to mantain his posture. “Don’t change the subject.”</p><p>Lev towered easily over him and yet he seemed cornered. No explanations left his mouth and he looked lost. Yaku hated that look on his face, he decided then. He wanted to make it go away, right there. He wanted back bubbly, over-friendly Lev with his oversized hugs and glowing eyes.</p><p>“I don’t like it.”, Yaku admitted, pouting for a second.</p><p>“I’m sorry?”, the russian tried again.</p><p>“Stop saying you’re sorry.”, the smaller man sounded mildy annoyed. “Just...”, he gestured vaguely and when Lev looked even more disoriented, Yaku lost it.</p><p>Later, he would blame it on the beer (which was far from making him drunk enough to do things he didn’t want, but was definitely a good reason he could put the blame on). Blaming on alcohol was way easier than facing the truth, which was that Yaku grabbed the collar of Lev’s shirt and pulled the boy down for a kiss. It was unexpected for both of them, Yaku almost missing Lev’s mouth. It also lasted for a second before Yaku pulled away, too shaken up by his own guts. He was ready to bolt, choose another room and pretend nothing happened. What struck him in place was perhaps the wide-eyed look on Lev’s face, slowly processing what had just happened.</p><p>He had no time to try to explain himself (not that anything coherent could be said at that moment) for Lev’s gigantic hands were suddenly on his nape and he was being kissed once again. It wasn’t frantic like the first one and it most certainly did last longer than a second. It felt right, something Yaku didn’t even know he had been expecting. It felt nostalgic, which was weird because they definitely hadn’t done that before. Yet it felt like being 17 again, looking at glowing green eyes and feeling a bit funny.</p><p>The position wasn’t comfortable in the least. Lev was at least 25 centimeters taller than him (probably more since he had been growing since high school and Yaku only got 2cm taller), which made it a bit awkward. His neck was straining after a while but he had no intentions of stopping. They were fully making out at one point and the soft haze left by the alcohol made him feel even lighter, every touch hotter.</p><p>Lev kissed like he played, full of energy and aiming to be the best. He also was a quick learner, which was good because he was a bit sloppy, even though his enthusiasm made up for it. It left no room for breathing and when Yaku pulled back to get some air, the taller man immediately latched onto his neck. Still, it wasn’t desperate. It was <em>Lev</em>, who wanted everything anyone could give him, specially Yaku. His hands circled the other man’s waist, pulling him closer.</p><p>“Lev”, he called, “No marks.”</p><p>He was supposed to be introduced as the new adition to the Russian V-League in a few days, lovebites and hickeys weren’t exactly the best idea. Lev toned down a bit, which Yaku was immensely grateful for.</p><p>He pulled the russian in for another kiss, slowly taking steps back until his knees hit the mattress. Yaku crawled up the bed, lips never leaving Lev’s not even for a second. When they were finally comfortable, Lev pulled away, their eyes instantly meeting.</p><p>Yaku had a soft spot for Lev’s eyes. They were always expressive and left no room for Lev to try to conceal his feelings, everyone could see it. The way they shone when praised was probably Yaku’s favorite look (even if he didn’t want to admit).</p><p>This time, however, it was different. It wasn’t a totally unknown look. Whoever spent long enough time at Nekoma would catch a meeker version of it whenever Lev stared at Yaku without the other knowing. The unrestricted version though was for this moment only. Only Yaku would see and that was something he would treasure.</p><p>Lev stared at him like he couldn’t believe what was happening. He looked in awe at the smaller man’s face, like a child who couldn’t get enough of a new toy. It was intense and Yaku blushed harder, uneasy under the stare (a good kind of uneasy this time). He wanted to squirm away, feeling exposed to the bone, so he did the one logical thing: kissed Lev again.</p><p>It was a bit more desperate than before, mostly because Yaku felt anxious after feeling so raw. Lev was glad to keep up the pace and his hands wandered to the other man’s ass, gripping the flesh greedly. Yaku hitched a breath, tangling his fingers on the soft strands at Lev’s nape and <em>pulling</em>. Now it was his turn to mouth at the exposed flesh of the other’s neck, being fair enough not to leave any marks since Lev couldn’t do the same. Lev downright <em>whined</em> his name and Yaku relished in the sound.</p><p>Big hands were suddenly sprawled across his belly, inching further inside his shirt. Yaku decided to take matters into his own hands, pushing Lev away only to get rid of the garnment.</p><p>There was that look again. Awe and something Yaku couldn’t quite pinpoint. It felt as if Lev could see his soul and honestly it should feel more frightening. Lev gladly attacked the skin on his collarbone, now exposed. He sucked and licked as if no part should be left unattended (and probably unmarked). Yaku whined low in his throat, blunt nails scratching over the fabric of his shirt.</p><p>“Off, off, off”, he complained, bunching the offensive thing in his hands. Lev chuckled, happy to oblige and get rid of the stupid cloth. Their chests touched and Yaku shivered at the contrast of the cold room and warm skin. He sighed as he wrapped his arms around the russian’s middle, simply holding him. It should feel out of place, considering how things were escalating, however it simply felt right. Lev snaked his arms under his back and suddenly they were holding each other. As simple as that.</p><p>Still, they were in the middle of something that could not be stopped and soon their hands began to wander again. Lev’s mouth was keen on kissing and appreciating every expanse of skin that had been exposed to him. It was the kind of attention Yaku wasn’t used to. He usually kept his affairs short and to the point. Messing around was fun but he knew what he wanted and wasn’t shy to take it. He had no idea why he was letting Lev take his sweet time or why every kiss felt so needed and dear.</p><p>Eventually Lev became more greedy. His curious fingers started messing with the waistband of his underwear even if his pants were still on. Yaku’s mind was reeling, never in his life having felt so cared for.</p><p>“Can I?”, it was but a whisper against his lips.</p><p>“Yes, fuck, yes.”, came the restless response and Yaku could <em>feel</em> Lev’s smile.</p><p>The cold air on his legs was a bit of a shock, quickly forgotten as soon as Lev’s hand (his unfairly large hand) found its way to his crotch. A strangled sigh left Yaku’s lips, his mouth falling open for a second, long enough for Lev to eagerly lick into it. It was a constant pressure, enough to keep him teased but without enough friction. It was driving him mad as he bucked up into the other’s hand.</p><p>A strangled whine echoed in the room, and that was enough for Yaku to take matters into his on hands. He fumbled with the buttons on Lev’s jeans, impatient as the russian kicked down his pants. Yaku swatted Lev’s hand away, slotting the other’s hips against his and simply lifted his hips off the bed.</p><p>Neither of them could tell to who belonged the soft moan that echoed. It felt <em>good</em>, good enough for them to build in a rythm, slow and deep enough to leave Yaku breathless. He hid his face in the crook of Lev’s neck, trying to dampen his sounds. Lev’s hand tangled in his hair, pulling him away softly. “I want to hear you”, he said and once again Yaku could feel his cheeks redden. Ridiculous considering how they were literally grinding and yet what made him blush was a request like that.</p><p>“It’s embarassing”, he admitted, looking away with a frown. Their movements had slowed down to a halt.</p><p>“It’s hot”, Lev stated, completely missing the point. Yaku snorted, briefly kissing the other’s lips. It somehow felt good to be able to do that.</p><p>“Yaku-san”, Lev whined and it sounded so much like years ago and at the same time so new and different. It almost gave him whiplash. Yaku hummed in acknowledgement, too entertained mouthing at the other’s neck to give it much thought.</p><p>“Can I suck you off?”, Lev asked bluntly, almost giving Yaku the equivalent of a heart attack. Never in his life had he been asked so directly and it should make things a bit awkward. However, Yaku simply stared at the other man, as if looking at him for the first time. The prospect of what could happen was exciting to say the least.</p><p>“I can’t believe you’re asking me this.”, Yaku sighed, rubbing his temple and trying not to sound as amused as he was.</p><p>“Well, can I? I <em>really</em> want to.”, Lev looked like a pet waiting for a treat and, god, it wasn’t fair for someone to look downright gorgeous staring at him like that. Imagining how he’d look between his legs, mouth open and waiting.</p><p>“Yes, yes, go on.”, Yaku looked away, trying not to get overwhelmed by his own thoughts. Lev kissed him with enthusiasm. Big hands on his hips were soon followed by his lips and Yaku made the mistake of looking. It was definitely going to be a scene carved into his memory. Lev briefly looked up, a mischievious grin on his lips and for a second Yaku feared for his own sanity, because if Lev gave head like he kissed, boy this was going to be a wild ride.</p><p>Contrary to what Yaku may have expected (and yes, he had thought about it before more times than he’d be willing to admit), Lev was a tease. He’d imagine the taller man would go straight to the point, like he did with most things in his life. Yet this time he seemed to be savorying every moment as if it was the last (it probably was), hands toying with the waistband of Yaku’s briefs, tongue licking a stripe across his hip bone, teeth softly grazing the flesh. Yaku was downright throbbing with expectation at this point.</p><p>“Lev”. It was a warning that didn’t sound threatening at all. Just impatient and lustful.</p><p>The russian had the audicity to chuckle against his skin. That bastard. Yaku was about to complain, something about not having all night (which was a blatant lie and both of them knew it), but the words died on his lips, morphing in a surprised sound as Lev’s hand gripped him over his boxers. Soon he was lifting up his hips, helping getting rid of the unwanted clothing.</p><p>Lev was quicker than before. He was eager to just use his mouth and, well, Yaku definitely wasn’t complaining about the wet heat enveloping his dick. Lev licked at the head, quietly watching for Yaku’s reactions. The latter sighed, eyes glued to the other man and his every move. The hands on his thighs seemed to wander, gripping his hips as Lev sinked lower.</p><p>With every bobbing movement, the coil on his gut seemed to tighten, his vision becoming blurry at the edges. Still Yaku didn’t make much noise except some few sighs and low moans. Lev wasn’t satisfied at all.</p><p>Suddenly there was a finger probing at his asshole.</p><p>“Nope.”, Yaku flinched so hard he almost hit his knee on Lev’s head. “There’s absolutely no way in hell you’re going in dry.”</p><p>“I just”, he looked bummed, but there was no way Yaku was giving in. Unexpectedly, Lev’s eyes lit up just like they did before he had an idea capable of almost setting fire to the gym. Yaku briefly feared for his life as the taller man stood up and moved to the side table, opening up every single drawer. Yaku was about to tell him there was no chance Kenma kept lube on his guest’s bedroom drawers when Lev emitted a victorious sound and lifted his hand, holding a foil package and a small bottle. Yaku narrowed his eyes and a brief thought passed his mind (<em>Kenma</em>), soon lost as Lev came back into bed, eagerly licking his way into his mouth.</p><p>“I’ve thought about it for so long”, Lev muttered against his lips, his fingers finding their grip around his dick once again. Yaku hissed, choosing to remain silent (speaking up would be risky specially because he had two braincells left at this point). Of course he had also thought about it before, he was young and dealing with crushes at that age was a horny problem. Which didn’t mean he was going to open up so easily. Still, the idea of Lev having fantasized about this whole situation before made something in his gut twist with delight.</p><p>Mouth replaced fingers and whatever thoughts had taken over were thrown out of the window. Lev was eager to please and also a quick learner, which made Yaku’s life infinitely harder. He wanted to commit this exact moment to memory, the look of concentration on the other’s face, how pretty he looked with his lips wrapped around his dick. Yaku wanted to look more but at some point his head fell back into the pillows, a heavy sigh escaping his lips.</p><p>The cold touch against his rim sobered him up a bit, earning Lev an unhappy hiss. The latter apologized, even though his fingers never left. They eventually warmed up, finally letting Yaku relax even as one prodded inside. It was a feeling he was used to, something he did to himself quite often. Lev also didn’t seem like he had no clue about what he was doing, which was honestly a relief. Yaku decided to trust him (something previously unimaginable) and just enjoy the ride.</p><p>It wasn’t before Lev added another finger and started scissoring them that Yaku’s breath started to catch on his throat. At some point a sensitive part of him was pressed and Yaku lifted his hips out of the mattress with a low moan, almost choking Lev in the process. The taller man didn’t seem to mind though, pleased at himself for finally tearing some noise out of the other. Once again, Lev was a quick learner, so he had no problem in repeating precisely the same movement with his fingers while lowering himself enough so that Yaku could feel his dick hitting the back of his throat. He choked on another moan, one hand fisting in Lev’s silver hair without much restraint. The other took it as an opportunity to slide in another finger.</p><p>It definitely felt fuller than what he was used to. Well, obviously. Lev had ridiculously large hands with fingers much longer than his. Of course he’d be able to reach deeper and make him feel fuller. It was a nice difference indeed, one much needed – and wanted.</p><p>“Fuck, Lev.”, Yaku panted, tugging harder at the silver strands. He could feel his toes curling and that was a sign to stop before it was too late. “Stop messing around”</p><p>Lev thankfully took Yaku’s not so kind request into consideration. He took away his fingers and mouth, leaving Yaku feeling empty and on edge. Lev fumbled a bit with the foil package and Yaku took it as time to calm his growing nerves. It was as if a wet dream from his teenage years was coming true and it excited him, as well as it was a bit nerve wrecking.</p><p>All of a sudden, Lev was above him, glowing green eyes fiercely staring. With quick movements, Yaku inverted their positions, both hands on either side of the other’s head. He also stared, trying to carve the sight into his memory. Lips flushed and swollen, eyes hazy with lust, hair messed up from all the tugging. It was something Yaku wanted to keep to himself forever – what a selfish mess he made. Lev looked at him like he hung the stars and the moon, had been for years, but never so unrestricted.</p><p>“You’re beautiful”, he said and that was enough to knock the air out of the smaller man’s lungs. Red crept to his cheeks as his heart <em>ached</em>. Truth was that it was much easier to deal with sexual attraction, quick flings and flirty banters. The difficult part was looking at Lev and admitting there was <em>something</em> going on, had been for far too long and Yaku was too stubborn to admit. The difficult part was trying not to dwell on the feeling in his gut telling him to live this moment to the fullest because there wasn’t going to be another chance, at least not for them.</p><p>“You’re impossible”, he said with no real bite in his words and Lev knew him enough to see the true meaning behind them.</p><p>Yaku took the opportunity, as Lev seemed distracted by his words, to grab the latter’s dick and align it with himself. The good thing about being on top was that he could control their pace and honestly, even if he <em>really</em> liked the man beneath him, Lev could be way too frantic and Yaku was not risking it.</p><p>He enjoyed the familiar stretch, how it burned at first but quickly subsided. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he watched the other man. Lev had closed his eyes, apparently trying his best not to move and ruin things. It was nice of him and Yaku appreciated it very much.</p><p>It took a few minutes for him to settle down, ass flush against the other’s hips. Yaku remained still for a moment, relishing in the feeling. <em>That</em> was something he could work with. No compromising feelings or fond looks. Just sex.</p><p>Of course it took five seconds for Lev to screw that up. He suddenly sat up, one hand resting on the small of Yaku’s back while the other reached for his chin, pulling him for a kiss that shouldn’t be so tender. His heart ached once more and as much as Yaku wanted that feeling to just go away, he also never wanted to stop and that thought scared him to no end.</p><p>However, before he could properly freak out, Lev moved his hips and <em>oh</em> that’s what they were doing before things got complicated. Yaku picked up a slow pace, enough to keep them hanging but not just <em>quite there</em>. It did give them plenty of room for kissing and once again he had to praise Lev for being such a quick learner because he could easily get lost on those.</p><p>Soon enough though it became clear that they needed more. Yaku pushed Lev, making him lie down again (the proximity and the kisses were making his head feel fuzzy). He picked up the pace, enjoying as Lev’s moans grew deeper and louder. He should never take the other for granted though because moments later Lev’s hand was on his dick (maybe he had a thing for his hands after all) and it all became too much quickly. He wasn’t at fault for the noises he made, specially when he knew the other appreciated them.</p><p>There was no warning. Not much talking was needed. Both of them were close and it was only a matter of who could reach that high first. Yaku did. Perhaps it was the thing with Lev’s hands on him or the faster and still accurate pace they had going on. All he knew was that it was too much and there wasn’t any reason to hold back. It did hit him hard though. Lev surely must have enjoyed the noises that he made, because for once Yaku wasn’t shy about it.</p><p>It also became too sensitive soon after. Yaku collapsed on the taller man’s chest, hissing a bit as he picked up the pace, unable to hold back. As if Yaku actually wanted him to hold back. All it took was a bit of encouragement whispered to his ear.</p><p>It was easy to let himself be engulfed in Lev’s arms afterwards. The man wrapped his arms around him and seemed content to just let them catch their breath. Yaku also knew that if he let himself stay there for a few more minutes he wouldn’t have any strenght to get up and find the nearest bathroom to clean up their mess.</p><p>Yaku stood up then, grabbing the first article of clothing on his way, be it his or Lev’s. He disappeared down the door for a few minutes, coming back with a wet towel (he’d apologize to Kenma later). The sight of sweaty, disheveled Lev naked on a bed was truly unforgettable.</p><p>He just laid down after the cleaning was done. Even after all they had done, Lev still seemed unsure whether he could put his hands on Yaku once again. Yaku simply rolled his eyes, cuddling up to the taller man and lying his head down on his chest. It should not feel so comfortable.</p><p>“I didn’t want you to leave”, Lev quietly muttered and it all became complicated once again. He could be talking about Yaku’s trip to the bathroom but they both knew that wasn’t the case. Lev laid a kiss on the top of the other’s head.</p><p>How could he even respond to that? <em>Me too?</em> That was a lie and they knew it. Yaku wanted to go to Russia, he wanted to go pro on a new country, hone his skills to the point he was acknowledged and praised for them. He wanted to be on his top form and the russians could help him achieve that. It was his best shot and Lev knew it.</p><p>Still. Feelings were complicated. Even to a straight-forward person, they could be tricky and change plans. Of course Yaku would still go to Russia. It was all planned out and he would not back down. What, however, wasn’t planned on the slightest was Lev. Just as in highschool, he came barging in, loud and honest, making them listen to him because he was going to <em>be the ace </em>(he eventually did become the ace but talking about that would boost his ego too much). It didn’t change his plans back then, just added an unexpected twist (specially as Yaku found himself with what he liked to call a <em>soft spot</em> for said ace – everyone knew better though).</p><p>Yaku didn’t look up. It was too risky, too complicated. He’d rather leave it as it was: a confession whispered to the night. However, he did tighten his embrace around the other, who did the same.</p><p>If they fell asleep like that, it was none of anyone’s business.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>[Kenma]: i can’t do this anymore.</p><p>[Yaku]: ??? is everything alright?</p><p>[Yaku]: you should be sleeping, isn’t it like 4am over there?</p><p>[Kenma]: no, it’s not. go talk to lev already.</p><p>[Kenma]: it’s 4am. i’m wide awake. your point being?</p><p>[Yaku]: is he alright?</p><p>[Kenma]: it’s been a month yaku i can’t handle this anymore</p><p>[Yaku]: what are you talking about?</p><p>[Kenma]: you two. pls figure your shit out, he’s been moping around for ONE MONTH and i’ve had enough</p><p>Yaku sighed, dropping his phone on the bed. He had been scrolling through social media for a while now, too tired to move but also not tired enough to fall asleep. Kenma’s messages were a happy surprise, which quickly turned sour.</p><p>Kenma had a point, Yaku hated to admit. Whatever happened between him and Lev that night at Kenma’s house was something that changed them both. Yaku sometimes liked to think that he imagined the whole thing, just so he didn’t have to deal with the consequences. He also liked to blame it on the alcohol, which was a stupid excuse considering they were barely tipsy when they walked out of that living room.</p><p>It was easier to focus on his new routine. Train hard, try to make new friends, study russian. It shouldn’t be a problem if he was too tired to think. The problem was that it wasn’t 100% effective. Sometimes Yaku laid on his bed, too drained to even scroll through his phone. His mind started to drift back to that night, much to his displeasure. Not because he didn’t enjoy it. Quite the contrary, actually. It was remarkable. Too remarkable. He thought about it way too much.</p><p>When things got particularly hard, he turned to Kuroo. Of course he wouldn’t openly mope around, but Kuroo knew him well enough to see his true intentions. He would never say anything about it, just helped to take his mind off of things, be it with talks or cat memes. It helped more than Yaku was willing to admit.</p><p>Still, Kuroo couldn’t solve everything. At the end there was this ache he couldn’t solve, no matter how much he trained or studied. It felt hollow and Yaku hated that feeling, even if he knew what would make it better. It was really one message away.</p><p>He also didn’t want to impose. Lev probably moved on with his life. Sometimes Yaku saw ads with his face (that boy was becoming an international thing and that was as amusing as it was scary) and was truly proud of the success he was achieving. He deserved it. So why on Earth would Yaku say anything? What would he even say? <em>Oh hi I know I haven’t answered your texts for like a whole month but i miss you so much and it doesn’t help that i see you on the ads on the subway? </em>No way in hell.</p><p>Yet Kenma’s texts struck a nerve. Yaku opened Lev’s contact number, chewing on his bottom lip as he stared at the three attempts of contact Lev made since he left. What should he say now? Kenma did this, he at least should be helpful.</p><p>[Yaku]: idk what to say to him</p><p>[Kenma]: kuroo says that ‘hi’ should do it</p><p>[Yaku]: kuroo can bite my ass</p><p>[Kenma]: he also said that he’d rather leave that to lev</p><p>Yaku cursed them both. They were supposed to be his friends, helping him deal with Lev because he sure as hell had no clue.</p><p>[Kenma]: just ask how was his day</p><p>The worst thing? Kenma was right. Did he need a reason to talk to him? It should be easy, they were friends before all the complicated stuff. So he opened up Lev’s contact once again and took a deep breath.</p><p>[Yaku]: hey</p><p>[Yaku]: i’m sorry i didn’t answer before</p><p>[Yaku]: how was your day?</p><p>He dropped his phone on the bed, not waiting for a reply since it should be late in Japan and normal people would be sleeping. Yaku himself should be doing that, but before he could put his phone on the bedside table, it buzzed. He was about to tell Kenma to go to sleep already (Kuroo could mind his own business).</p><p>[Lev]: yaku-san!!!!!</p><p>[Lev]: i missed you!!!</p><p>[Lev]: like a lot</p><p>The way Yaku’s heart almost leapt out of his chest should be illegal. Not only he didn’t expect a reply so soon but also nor did he expect Lev to say things right out of the bat. Yaku felt <em>full </em>for the first time since he left Japan.</p><p>[Yaku]: i missed you too, dumbass</p><p>[Yaku}: like a lot</p><p>Maybe they would be okay after all.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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